The Dating Game- Chapter 7: The Next Ex

This post is different. It may come as a shock to you, but this guy….I was actually in a relationship with him. Like, for real.

I’ll pause for reaction.

If you’ve read all of my previous posts, I seem to have a trend. I believe (truly believe) in my head that whoever I’m talking to at the time is “different” and “actually serious”. In this case, I was right.

Although I’ve dated (this word can be a bit of a stretch with most, I know) a bunch of different guys over the past almost two and a half years, I have only been in one real relationship up until the point of meeting…hmmm..we’re going to call him Sully. The name explanation will come later in the post.

My first relationship was almost seven years, so I knew once we broke up, I needed to be with me, myself and I for a while. Well, that didn’t last and it was honestly a big mistake. I needed time to just be with myself and learn to be on my own. I was with someone else for so long that I honestly forgot what it was like to be alone.

Finally, I actually did it. I was alone, and it felt great. I wasn’t looking for anyone, or anything. And that’s when they always show up, right?

This boy and I met in mid-January. I still had dating apps, but I hadn’t been actively on them in almost two months. Yes, I swear this was real.

I had opened one up just to check, and found him. He had commented on one of my pictures. A picture of me wearing Minnie Mouse ears in front of Cinderella’s Castle in Disney World, aka, my happy place. He commented “those bunny ears though!”

Bunny ears. BUNNY EARS. Guys, I should have known right then and there.

But to be honest, I thought it was kinda cute, and who knows maybe it could have made for an adorable “how we met story”. Spoiler, it did. For about 2 minutes.

I responded “Minnie Mouse ears, but okay lol” and he wrote back “Oh no my inner child failed me”. I didn’t respond, not on purpose, I just forgot to.

Two days later, he messaged me again thinking that he had blew his shot. I let him know that he didn’t, I just suck at responding most of the time. We got into a conversation, and very quickly he asked me out. I figured why not, what’s the harm?

We met halfway between the two of us at a nice Mexican restaurant. We were one of 3 parties in there because this was a Tuesday night in the middle of January. No one was coming out. So to say it was an intimate setting is an understatement.

The date went surprisingly well. I learned so much about him and he seemed like an interesting person. We got along very well and when we parted ways, I knew I would see him again.

Two dates, three dates, four dates. I’m not going to lie, I was falling hard for this guy, and I could feel him falling for me, which was a weird feeling…

I found myself not wanting to entertain any other guys, deleted all my apps, and was ready to focus all my attention onto him. Then something happened, and this is a situation of “you should’ve gone with your gut”.

I invited him out into the city for a friends birthday. I was so excited that he even agreed to come. Now when I think about it all, the amount of red flags that were raised that night were not okay, but he was still such a great guy and made me genuinely happy, that I chalked it up to me being picky.

I told him what train we were taking, and he was late, so we missed it. I was already pissed, but I was trying to breathe and relax because it wasn’t the end of the world. When we were on the train, I was trying to take cute pictures of the two of us and he seemed so uninterested that I just gave up.

Once we got to the bar, the line was long and it was starting to rain. He pulled a bouncer aside and slipped him some amount of money (I still don’t know how much) to let us skip the line. At first, I thought it was kind of sexy, but that quickly changed once we got inside.

We met up with my friends, and they had already been there for quite some time. You know, because we were supposed to be there an hour earlier had we had not missed the train. They were talking about leaving to go to the bar across the street, and I could see the rage in his eyes when I told him. He started to go on and on about how he didn’t just pay the bouncer to let us in to be here for five minutes. I was taken so back that I clapped back with “you CHOSE to do that, I didn’t ask you”.

We all ended up staying, and we went to get a drink. Getting a drink in a popular New York City bar on a Saturday night is not the easiest task. He kept getting angrier and angrier as the bartenders were going to other people instead of him. He finally came out from the crowded bar, no drinks in hand and was screaming about how incompetent the bartenders were. I was on the verge of tears at this point and just wanted to leave.

He could see how upset I was getting and tried to calm me down and apologize. He said he was just getting frustrated, and he was sorry for making me upset. The bar upstairs had opened, so we went up and got a drink no problem.

The night seemed to be turning around. We all had some drinks flowing through our veins, the music was great and it was turning out to be an all around great night.

When we all decided to leave, I had to literally drag this kid into an Uber because he was so drunk. He fell asleep on my lap and getting him out once we were at Penn Station was another task in itself. The entire train ride home, I was thinking if this is what I really wanted. The night in general was fun, but it was filled with so many issues that I had this gut feeling would become normal if him and I did this for real.

Clearly that didn’t stop me from jumping into a relationship with him because after a little more than two months of consistently seeing each other, we decided to make things official. I was so happy. I really, truly was happy. I found a great guy and was happy. Sure he had his faults, but so does everyone. It would be different now because I was his girlfriend. It was crazy to even say that. I was somebodies girlfriend. I hadn’t been able to say that in two years and it felt good.

Well. Things were different, and not in a good way.

Once he made things official with me, it was like we weren’t even seeing each other, let alone a couple. Our schedules were crazy, and we only got to see each other on the weekends. If it wasn’t for me making plans or asking him to hang out, we would never had seen each other. I didn’t even feel like I was in a relationship.

Things went from being so amazing, to good, to alright, to just miserable. I knew I was settling and I knew I needed to get out of it.

Two things sent me over the edge with him. One was he had said he wanted to meet my parents, and was going to come over for dinner. My mom went out and got all this food, for him to decide it was “too soon” and cancel last minute. Okay, I understand if you felt it was too soon, but tell me before my mother spend money to cook for you. He felt bad, but it left a sour taste in my mouth.

We were seeing each other more and more infrequent. Our last date was a movie date, and I had said we should go to a nearby bar before because we hadn’t seen each other in two weeks. He said that he couldn’t because his dad was coming over for dinner, and asked if we could meet there because he had to be up for work early. I offered to pick him up, and he said no. It was all so fishy and to be honest, I was checked out.

The second thing that sent me over the edge was right after he told me that he needed to be a better boyfriend to me and apologized for being so distant. We had dinner plans that next weekend. He told me that he had a meeting at 4 and it should be done by 6 and then he would come pick me up for dinner. 6 came along and I asked how his meeting was.

“Oh, it didn’t happen yet, she’s running late.”

Two hours late? Okay. I went home, showered and checked my phone. Nothing.

I asked him if I should start getting ready. An hour later and still nothing. It was almost 8PM and he finally texted me back saying he was sorry that it was running later than he thought. He even gave me some sorry ass excuse that his dad needed to take him because his car was acting up. I asked if he wanted to still do something after he was done. Didn’t. Even. Answer. Me.

I asked him to call me when he got home. Did he call me? You should know the answer to that by this point.

I didn’t hear from him until 3PM the next day, and he thought it was ridiculous that I was mad. Because apparently this was all out of his control. I can’t make this up. I truly cannot.

If this had happened to me a year ago, I would’ve kept making excuses and stayed with him. But I’m smart enough to know what I deserve now, and I was not settling for this.

I knew I wanted to break up with him, but I didn’t want to do it over text. That wasn’t cool. When I tell you I tried HARD to meet up with this kid just to break up, I’m not kidding. It was near impossible, and a week went by and nothing. We tried meeting up for lunch and this dude didn’t respond to me until after 2 that day. I couldn’t take it anymore, and had to resort to text.

He actually understood. I explained how if this is what he thought a relationship was, then I wasn’t the girl for him. I even said how badly I didn’t want to do this over text, but he made it impossible not to. We parted ways and that was that. Or so I thought.


 

It’s 2 months after I broke up with him, and I’m in Florida with my best friend for the 4th of July. This kid is BLOWING up my phone. It started the week before when he responded to an Instagram story of mine, and he called me basically begging for me back. He threw me the typical lines. You know like:

“It’ll be different this time”

“I know how badly I messed up”

“You were the best thing that has happened to me and I screwed it up”

Again, if this was me a year ago, I would’ve fallen for it. He asked me to meet up after I got back from vacation and I said I’d think about it.

So now here I am. In Florida, on vacation with my best friend having the time of our lives, and I have this moron constantly texting me. Like texting me things like “Ugh I wish I was with you holding hands and watching fireworks.” I wanted to scream BRO REALLY?! I should have.

After a few days of nicely turning him down and saying no, I finally got stern with him. He texted me for the hundredth time that he missed me and I responded with “you can’t keep doing this and saying these things to me”. This dude had a switch turn off I swear to God.

He literally said: “The fuck you texting me for then? Just let me be.” I’m sorry WHAT?!

He went on to say that I should just ignore him and that it’s my fault I’m getting his hopes up. I am here to say that not ONCE did I give this kid any hope. I constantly said “no” in the nicest of ways. It got to a point where I blocked his number and all of his social media.

I’d like to happily report that this boy is no where in my life anymore and he remains blocked on all platforms.

Do I regret dating him? No, I actually don’t. He was a good guy, and he did make me happy for a short time. He also helped show me that I’m stronger than I once was, and that I won’t settle. This was the first guy that wanted a relationship with me instead of just casually seeing each other, and I fell for it right away. But I knew I wasn’t happy, and if I wasn’t happy with being with this guy for 4 months, I wouldn’t be happy with him any longer than that, and it would only get worse.

He won’t see this (because he’s blocked…) but my final words to him are a simple thank you. Because you showed me what I don’t deserve, and what I do deserve all at the same time. I don’t even have a name for you, because this was actually real. Funny how that is.

What I do know for sure is that when that right guy comes along, I’ll actually know it this time, and I’m not rushing into it. When it happens, it’ll happen. I’m not looking for anything anymore.

And that’s the tea.

 

 

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